Monthly Archives: November 2014

Not Worthy, But Loved.

I attended a seminar called Worthy Now. My wonderful school (Lee University, AKA the best college of all time) put on this event for the ladies of the school.Worthy now was put together to show women that they are worthy now, hints the name! It empowered us girls to say “I don’t have it together all the time but I am beautiful, strong, and loved by God.” It had many great points about body image and self worth. I want to thank every women and man who put this event together, it was something that really touched me and many other girls.

There were a few different people that came up to speak but one of the ladies that spoke said something that really punched me in the face.

Side note: If you’ve been around me for no more than 5 minutes and we’re talking about Jesus, I’ve probably used this “punched me in the face” term. I get really excited. I also come from a family of fighters. SO naturally I relate my faith vocabulary with kickboxing vocabulary. It happens. Sacrilegious? Nah. I think God likes it.

So this thing she said punched me in the face. She said “We’re always trying to get there, but there really isn’t a place!” This sounds very strange out of context, but hear me out. I so, on soooooo many levels get this. She was talking about how we think that if we could get to this next step, we would finally be worthy enough. The thing is though, that step never ends! We keep wanting to get to something different and we aren’t content with where we are or we don’t feel worthy in where we are. I do this all the time!

“If I could only graduate high school, I could get on with my life.”

“If I could only get done with college, God could use me then.”

“If we could only get married, I’d feel secure and consistent.”

“If I could just get out of the country, I wouldn’t feel pressured anymore by things of this world.”

Sometimes to feel worthy, we feel like we need to have it all together. We feel like we can plan out our whole entire life and it will work according to that. But life hits you and curveballs come speeding towards your face. The path that you planned or the there you’re trying to get to messes up and then what do you do? I look at it like this: Life is a whole lot like skydiving. Before you go skydiving the instructor tells you all the stuff you need to know when you’re about to jump out of the plane. They tell you where you’re supposed to put your arms, how much you should bend your feet, at what point you’re supposed to pull the parachute. So you’re in the plane going over your instructions… “Arms across my chest, feet bent under the plane, 5,000 feet pull the chute.” It all makes sense right? And then you jump. The once solid ground under you completely vanishes and all you can think of is that you’re falling! What the heck do you do! Here’s the catch. The guy that is attached uncomfortably to your back, who you may think doesn’t know anything because your falling to your death right now, is placing your hands where they need to be. He is guiding your body in the right position and he pulls the chute and you are safe. That guy kinda sound a lot like God. Life falls and God guides us to exactly where we need to be. God pulls our chute. He shows us the right path. He not only saves us, but he shows us a path that is better than what we thought of in the first place. Just like in skydiving. I could have remembered all those things and tried to do them, but I’d still be flopping all over the place like an idiot and the instructor would have to save me.

See here’s the thing. We aren’t worthy. We didn’t do anything for this life. And we sum up these plans for ourselves like we know what we are talking about. But we don’t know anything. I know that sounds harsh, but hear the truth people! Really think about… We aren’t worthy and yet he still loves us. We still have hope and peace and joy in him. When we choose to stop living for the there that we’ve made up in our own minds and start living for Gods will, we will feel worth it! We will feel like we are living a life for a purpose. And in this we know that it isn’t about us. It’s about him.

God’s crazy. I love this phrase because I don’t mean it in a mentally unstable way. I mean it in a mind-boggling, really cool, can’t understand it way. I feel all these things about myself. I feel un-content with my life and where I am but the second I change and follow his path, peace like I’ve never felt before overwhelms me and I have to give him the glory. I did nothing to deserve that, I don’t even understand it! But he loves me and makes me feel worth it anyway. We have an awesome God, my friends. We really do.

For your entertainment. If you put it in HD it’s better. Haha.

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Not of this World

Thoughts:

The past couple weeks I’ve been discouraged by things of this world. That probably sounds really strange to some people, and maybe really true to other people. Either way, I will explain. There is a lot of bad in this world. And sometimes, being the anxious person I am, I let myself fixate on these things. I’ll stay up for hours on end through the night thinking about the world.

Back story: I love the world. I’m in school right now to be a missionary and I want to travel the world and tell people about Jesus more than anything I’ve ever wanted to do in my life. I don’t see how anyone wouldn’t want to do this but I’m very passionate about this so I can’t really see anything else anyway. With this love for the world, though, comes ultimate heartbreak for the world too.

So I’m pretty upset, right? Like these past few weeks there have been moments where I’ve laid face down in my bed thinking “Why doesn’t God just destroy everything?” And not only have I thought about how bad the world is…but I’ve also thought about how bad I am. Yes, I’m going to tell you, publicly, that I mess up. Being at a Christian school doesn’t just make all the bad things go away. There are still weekends where I’m really bored and think “I bet life would be a lot more fun if I was drunk right now.” And that’s the truth! To go off on a little tangent, I would like to tell everyone that just because you are a Christian or a leader in some way does not mean you have to act like you have it all together. I’m so sick of people using their faith as a symbol for never messing up. Wake up, guys! We all suck! But that’s okay because Jesus died for us and HE makes things good and HE restores messed up stuff! SO here’s where we get positivity out of this crapball of the world….

I read Psalms 38 the other day. This passage was suggested by my boyfriend Nick, who God works through in so many way to help me grow in my faith. These verses are a cry out to God. Verse 38:4 says, “My guilt has overwhelmed me like a burden too heavy to bear.”  This really spoke to me because it’s how I’ve been feeling all this time. I’ve been crying out to God saying “I can’t take this mess any more, it’s too much. Everything in the world and the sin in me is way too much.” But then we receive hope! You see this chapter of this book is so sad and David’s cry to God is so strong but just when I started to get upset I flipped the page! Psalms 40:2-3 says, “He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set my feet on rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in him.”

God lifts us up and puts a new song in our mouths. Yes, things of this world bog us down. But guess what friends, we are not of this world. We are more than conquerors, we are fighters, we are restored, and we are alive. My uncle Charlie wrote a song that I think is absolutely beautiful called There is a Peace. He is very talented and God has gifted him with words that have touched peoples lives through music. These lyrics of the song have always resinated with me… “but I tell you, You’re not of this world, So stand up and fight.” Let’s all let God put a new song in our mouths. We are not of this world.

 

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